Memory is a funny thing, it's not always clear, its fuzzy. It's not always as sharp as we wish it was, its patchy, selective and doesn't aways seem complete. The things you remember never seem like important key stone moments worth remembering but when thats all you have, they mean the world. Colors, smells, snacks, pictures are stronger than the memories themselves… and my memory seems to be growing faint.
When I think of my grandma, I think of green, ( like a dark green) cats, and tootsie rolls. I think of the cat show she took me to when I was probably about 7. I think of the three stuffed cats she gave me for my birthday, three years in a row along with cat magazines she let me have. I also think of the cat toy she bought me at the cat show, she had an identical one, though hers was actually for her cats… mine was for my stuffed animals. I think of sweet pickles and deviled eggs for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I think of the house she shared with her two cats Chessie and Katie. I think of the last birthday card I received from her, when she was already sick… It was my 18th birthday… 12-03-06… my senior year.
I remember I lost my lip ring when she was in the hospital, she joked I swallowed it, and I feared it was true. But of all the things I remember about her, I remember my last moments with her the most, sitting in the Hospice room with her, humming or singing to her, " You are my sunshine my only sunshine…… please don't take my sunshine away," I pray she was able to hear me… I sang that song every time I was there, even played it on the Hospice piano. That song never left my head the entire time she was in Hospice. My parents practically lived there the entire time, and we all became very comfortable with hospice, it was very quiet, had a large kitchen, living room area with a TV, piano some couches a dinning area, it was like a large house, but the rooms all occupied by people on their death bed, unable to even move. It was only a matter of time, all we had with her was time, and we didn't know how much to be exact, but I wish I could have bought more of it.
It was a beautiful May morning, around 7:30 or so, when she left us, I was in school, and apparently the only one of my siblings who actually went to school that day. I found out half way through the school day that she had died, my sister left me a voicemail saying it, I honestly wish she could have waited till I got home and told me in person. The rest of the day I was a frantic mess, there was no way I could pay any attention in my classes, and at lunch I stayed extremely quiet. The next couple days were a bit weird, what had become the norm was immediately dropped to find other things to do and occupy the same time. We found a bunch of pictures from when Grandma Stevie was young, man she was beautiful, and helped make a poster board of her life in pictures… it didn't do her justice. Her funeral was hard to get through, but towards the end of it the church mentioned how she had given each year boxes of scarves, gloves and hats around christmas time for the homeless, and always left it anonymous, until we had mentioned that it was her who had done it. Each year they just said an angel donated them, for their homeless outreach thing they did each year, and at the funeral, they announced that they were going to name it after my grandma, they now call it the Rose Marie foundation. It brought us all to tears, you could hear my aunt gasp loudly durning the funeral when they said that, it was a big surprise to us.
It's been 4 years since she died, and we keep the tradition going, my aunts and uncles all chip in and we buy hats, gloves and scarves, wrap them up and donate them. Grandma Stevie use to actually hand make the hats and scarves and would go out and buy gloves that matched, but we do not have the skill she did with kitting, so we do what we can, and just make the tradition live on.
I really do miss my Grandma, she was really amazing, and the more i ask and talk about her the more i learn, wish i could have asked her some of these things instead of my dad, but it's okay, he knows her stories, and he is able to tell me them just as she would have. i have little nicknacks, that were hers that i was able to keep, and i cherish them dearly, each time i wear the ring of hers i imagine she's with me, throughout my day. I think more and more of her as the holidays come and i remember again that she will not be joining us, than we have to make her traditional deviled eggs, and buy the sweet pickles no one but her seemed to like, We keep her traditions going, I even get to keep her christmas tree at my apartment, now, so its like i am bringing her here to be with me, Its hard to think about but it's okay because i know she's in a better place, she doesn't have to suffer here, she is no longer sick, the cancer completely gone… she's at peace. I love you Grandma, and miss you terribly.
When I think of my grandma, I think of green, ( like a dark green) cats, and tootsie rolls. I think of the cat show she took me to when I was probably about 7. I think of the three stuffed cats she gave me for my birthday, three years in a row along with cat magazines she let me have. I also think of the cat toy she bought me at the cat show, she had an identical one, though hers was actually for her cats… mine was for my stuffed animals. I think of sweet pickles and deviled eggs for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I think of the house she shared with her two cats Chessie and Katie. I think of the last birthday card I received from her, when she was already sick… It was my 18th birthday… 12-03-06… my senior year.
I remember I lost my lip ring when she was in the hospital, she joked I swallowed it, and I feared it was true. But of all the things I remember about her, I remember my last moments with her the most, sitting in the Hospice room with her, humming or singing to her, " You are my sunshine my only sunshine…… please don't take my sunshine away," I pray she was able to hear me… I sang that song every time I was there, even played it on the Hospice piano. That song never left my head the entire time she was in Hospice. My parents practically lived there the entire time, and we all became very comfortable with hospice, it was very quiet, had a large kitchen, living room area with a TV, piano some couches a dinning area, it was like a large house, but the rooms all occupied by people on their death bed, unable to even move. It was only a matter of time, all we had with her was time, and we didn't know how much to be exact, but I wish I could have bought more of it.
It was a beautiful May morning, around 7:30 or so, when she left us, I was in school, and apparently the only one of my siblings who actually went to school that day. I found out half way through the school day that she had died, my sister left me a voicemail saying it, I honestly wish she could have waited till I got home and told me in person. The rest of the day I was a frantic mess, there was no way I could pay any attention in my classes, and at lunch I stayed extremely quiet. The next couple days were a bit weird, what had become the norm was immediately dropped to find other things to do and occupy the same time. We found a bunch of pictures from when Grandma Stevie was young, man she was beautiful, and helped make a poster board of her life in pictures… it didn't do her justice. Her funeral was hard to get through, but towards the end of it the church mentioned how she had given each year boxes of scarves, gloves and hats around christmas time for the homeless, and always left it anonymous, until we had mentioned that it was her who had done it. Each year they just said an angel donated them, for their homeless outreach thing they did each year, and at the funeral, they announced that they were going to name it after my grandma, they now call it the Rose Marie foundation. It brought us all to tears, you could hear my aunt gasp loudly durning the funeral when they said that, it was a big surprise to us.
It's been 4 years since she died, and we keep the tradition going, my aunts and uncles all chip in and we buy hats, gloves and scarves, wrap them up and donate them. Grandma Stevie use to actually hand make the hats and scarves and would go out and buy gloves that matched, but we do not have the skill she did with kitting, so we do what we can, and just make the tradition live on.
I really do miss my Grandma, she was really amazing, and the more i ask and talk about her the more i learn, wish i could have asked her some of these things instead of my dad, but it's okay, he knows her stories, and he is able to tell me them just as she would have. i have little nicknacks, that were hers that i was able to keep, and i cherish them dearly, each time i wear the ring of hers i imagine she's with me, throughout my day. I think more and more of her as the holidays come and i remember again that she will not be joining us, than we have to make her traditional deviled eggs, and buy the sweet pickles no one but her seemed to like, We keep her traditions going, I even get to keep her christmas tree at my apartment, now, so its like i am bringing her here to be with me, Its hard to think about but it's okay because i know she's in a better place, she doesn't have to suffer here, she is no longer sick, the cancer completely gone… she's at peace. I love you Grandma, and miss you terribly.
